I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its about making memories worth repressing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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