i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
