guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
