Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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