I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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