We're facebook friends in real life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
