So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
