i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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