LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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