You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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