I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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