once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
