I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
