i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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