I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
