You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
