my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
