i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
