: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
