I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
