Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
