I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
