The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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