i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
