I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
