Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
