fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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