Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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