I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
