Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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