Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
