so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
