you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
