He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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