She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
