At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
