mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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