I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
