i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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