I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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