I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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