gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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