This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
