Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
