I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
