so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
