My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
