Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
