i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
