We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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