It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
