Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
