"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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