stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
