is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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