I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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