You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
