I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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