Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
