If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
