Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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