Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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