can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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