i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
