I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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