that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
worst night to have a conscience
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
