you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
